Horoscopes: December 2021


Madeleine Martin and Kellen Henry


Aries: You’re going to oversleep and your parking spot will be taken, so you have to park and walk 4 blocks away to get to school… just wait until you hear it’s snowing and you’re parked on a permit only block. Your lucky pants are corduroy. 

Taurus: You are not a victim of identity fraud. You are not betraying your allies. Continue on with your current goals, success is in your future. Your lucky APUSH unit is Unit 4: 1800-1848.

Gemini: You made the basketball team. If you don’t play basketball, please refer to the Leo section.

Cancer: You’re going to get an A on your math test, and when you get your test back, you’ll tell your teacher you love them… awkward

Leo: Give your grandma a call. Often we find ourselves thrust into the torrent of unexpected challenges called life. It’s always good to take a step back and pay proper attention to those who matter most. She has diabetes.

Virgo: Express caution around open waters. Stick to what you know and follow your instincts in regards to the emerging conflict. Review classic media. Suggestions include: Die Hard.

Libra: You will confront your aunt.

Scorpio: You will confront your uncle.

Sagittarius: You are not real. Your lucky water bottle brand is Nalgene.

Capricorn: Your small business venture is trending on the up. Watch those Tesla stocks though buddy!

Aquarius: Please exercise caution around those you have come to trust. Christmas is looking good for you! Your lucky professor at the Chinese university of Hong Kong is Mike O’Sullivan.

Pisces: Do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn and rave at close of day; rage, rage against the dying of the light. You are just lucky! Straight up!